Apple doesn’t love me anymore, croons lifetime fanboy – CNET

Technically Incorrect offers a slightly twisted take on the tech that’s taken over our lives.


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He’s in pain. A lot of pain.

Throwboy/YouTube screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

What do you do when you’re in pain?

What do you do when the one you love doesn’t love you anymore? 

You sing a sad song. 

Roberto Hoyos has taken this to a certain extreme. The self-confessed Apple fanperson has taken Ed Sheeran’s “The Shape Of You” and reworked it. This is because he’s bent out of shape about what he sees as Apple’s creative vacuum for professionals.

His version, posted Tuesday, is called “Apple Forgot Me.” It includes lyrics such as “everything Apple calls innovation disgusts me.” 

The chorus offers: “Apple, you still got my love, but you used to be more for somebody like me.” He means, you see, professionals. Hoyos is behind the Throwboy pillow company. He’s also the man behind bright red “Make Apple Great Again” hats that he marketed earlier this month.

Things are so bad for Hoyos that he now croons: “I might go crazy and get a PC now.” Some would suggest that producing this video shows that he’s gone crazy already. 

Then again, professionals have been expressing severe disappointment with Apple’s more advanced offerings. When Microsoft came out with its Surface Studio, a glorious-looking, forward-thinking symbol of design, it was easy to wonder that Apple had been asleep at the dial. 

Apple didn’t immediately respond to a request for comment. I asked Hoyos, however, whether he’s holding out hope for next week’s WWDC

“I hope to see some surprises as far as pro hardware at WWDC,” he told me. “Maybe they can chill on talking about the iPad ‘Pro’ and give us some Mac updates and revisions.”

Maybe if they don’t, Hoyos will compose another song. Now that’s an incentive for Apple to surprise.

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