20 things you should never, ever Google – CNET

‘Full Frontal’

Samantha Bee’s late-night comedy series has seen serious success, but the show still doesn’t dominate Google search results. Know what does? We’ll give you one guess. If you choose to Google this, we recommend you have Safe Search turned on.

Photo by: TBS

‘Pressure cooker bombs’ with ‘backpacks’

In 2013, a Suffolk County man Googled “pressure cooker bombs” and “backpacks” from his work computer.

Then the police showed up at his house

The police determined the man was just curious, not criminal, but he probably regrets those searches to this day.

Photo by: Lucien Harriot/Getty Images

‘Brazilian Girls’

Fans of the band Brazilian Girls should add more search terms than just the name of the band, unless they want to see a bunch of waxing tutorials and butts… lots of butts.

Photo by: Chris Weeks

‘Huntsman spider’

If you don’t have arachnophobia before reading about this spider, one photo of this foot-long spider feasting on a mouse will cement a real fear of the species.

Photo by: Bob Denelzen/Shutterstock

‘Insider trading in an international account’

In July 2017, police arrested MIT researcher Fei Yan. According to reports, he Googled “insider trading in an international account” before allegedly purchasing large amounts of stock. 

Yan was charged with three fraud counts. Federal prosecutors allege the the stock made Yan $120,000 in illicit profits.

Photo by: Bryan R. Smith/AFP/Getty Images

‘Mouth larva’

If you’re searching for pictures of moth larvae, be very careful not to accidentally type the word mouth instead. Instead of pictures of household pests, you’ll find pictures of humans and other animals with larvae crawling between their teeth. You will never be able to un-see these images… or videos.

Photo by: Junior D. Kannah/ AFP/Getty Images

‘Bed bugs’

Five minutes of exposure to the warning signs of bed bugs could convince even discerning people that these six-legged intruders are hiding in their bedding. Exhibit A: Within a day of Googling “bed bugs,” we threw away perfectly good sheets. That’s $45 we’ll never get back.

Photo by: Andrew Francis Wallace/Toronto Star/Getty Images

‘Snapewives’

A subculture of Harry Potter superfans believe that they’re married to Professor Severus Snape on a supernatural astral plane. It sounds ludicrous, but we found ourselves so spellbound reading about these people that by the time our curiosity was sated, it was almost time to leave our office.

Photo by: Warner Bros. Pictures

‘Murder Island Thailand’

Seven tourists have died on the small resort island of Koh Tao in the past three years under disputed circumstances — a fact you’ll learn if you Google the term above. As with Snapewives, we spent about two hours riveted by this rabbit hole of a story. That’s two hours we’ll never get back.

Photo by: STR/AFP/Getty Images

‘Blue waffle’

In 2010, a hoax called “blue waffle disease” hit the internet with graphic (photoshopped) images of “infected” female genitalia.

 In 2013, a constituent reached out to New Jersey city councilwoman Kathy McBride about the so-called epidemic. McBride was alarmed… not realizing that the date was April 1.

Photo by: Fedorovacz/Shutterstock

‘I Love Dick’

Like Samantha Bee’s show, the phrase that makes up the Amazon title “I Love Dick” is difficult to Google without graphic consequences. We recommend adding “Amazon Prime streaming video” to your search terms to watch this comedy.

Photo by: Amazon Pictures

‘Things people have found in fast food’

People claim to have found everything from hardware parts to whole chicken heads in their fast food. If you read enough of these accounts, your options for guilt-free dining could be severely limited, if you still have an appetite at all.

Photo by: Getty Images

‘Red pill’

If you think you’re going to get info on the “Matrix” movies by Googling this term, you’re wrong. Instead, you’ll get a glimpse into the Men’s Rights movement; critics have called much of the movement misogynistic.  

Photo by: Warner Bros. Pictures

Belly button bugs

Your belly button harbors what scientists have described as a “rainforest” of bacteria. This Google search term will yield pictures of insect bites and recently pierced, infected navels.

Photo by: Chaowalit Jaiyen/Shutterstock

‘Everything Facebook knows about you’

Facebook reportedly can predict if you’re going to break up with your significant other or if you’re pregnant. Sometimes Facebook even knows before you do. Maybe you’d rather not know any of this.

Photo by: Paul Marotta/Getty Images

‘Jiggers’

A jigger is a shot-pouring tool used by bartenders. A jigger flea is a terrifying insect that burrows into the skin and lays eggs. Make sure your search terms reflect an interest in mixology, rather than parasitic fleas.

Photo by: Syda Productions/Shutterstock

‘No sleep’

If you’re looking for a cure to insomnia, searching for “no sleep” won’t help you. Instead, you’ll wind up on Reddit’s aptly-named horror story forum, and it will leave you jumping at any sudden movements. Make sure the lights are all on if you wander into this horrifying time sink.

Photo by: andreiuc88/Shutterstock

‘Calculus bridge’

You may think this is high-school math term, but in the dental world, a calculus bridge (also known as a tartar bridge) is intense oral plaque buildup that can lead to receding gums and bad breath. We wouldn’t wish pictures of this dental malady on our worst enemy.

Photo by: Ricky Carioti/Washington Post/Getty Images

Whatever medical symptom you have right now

If you’re feeling ill, call your doctor. Spending any amount of time researching your symptoms online could easily convince you that your cold is actually a rare genetic disease or that an upset stomach is cancer.

Photo by: Roman Samborskyi/Shutterstock

[Your favorite thing] + ‘cancer’

Googling your favorite things, from pizza crust to grilled steak, followed by the word “cancer,” will likely yield at least one shaky report linking that thing and the disease. Even owning a dog has been linked to cancer by some sites… and we don’t want you getting rid of your dog.

Photo by: Stephen Osman/Getty Images

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