Perhaps you think you might be falling in love with someone you know is off-limits or just not right for you. Or, maybe your life is just too hectic to fall in love with anyone right now. Well, don’t panic! You can rein in your feelings by distancing yourself from a particular person, diverting your attention from love in general, and keeping a healthy state of mind as you’re going through the process.
EditAvoiding Falling for a Particular Person
- Spend less time with them. If you hang out with them on a regular basis, you’ll never be able to detach yourself. Occupy your time with healthy diversions. This way, you’ll be telling the truth when you tell the person you don’t have time to hang out.
- If you hang out with them, avoid physical contact. Don’t hug, touch hands, kiss, or have sex. These actions can stir up the feelings you’re trying to conquer.
- Cut back on contact over the phone and social media. Don’t read their posts or timelines on social media. Don’t call, text, or email as often (or at all). If they call you, keep the conversation short. If you’re busy distracting yourself with other things, you’ll have a valid excuse for saying, “Sorry. Gotta go!”
- Stash things that remind you of that person. Gather them together in a box or two and bury them in a closet or attic. If you have the money, rent a personal storage garage. Store digital files on a flash drive that you can store with the other mementos. Keep them hidden until your feelings for the person cool down.
- Focus on the person’s negative aspects. Forget about their cute face and concentrate on their annoying neediness. Recall that argument you got into over politics or religion. Think about how you felt when they told you they want five kids, but you don’t want any. Focus on the real deal breakers that would make a relationship difficult or impossible.
- Process your emotions without dwelling on them. Practice mindfulness, a form of emotional processing in which you observe your emotions in an objective, non-judgemental way. Recognize that your feelings for the other person may be exaggerated. Try to view them as interesting mental processes and let them pass.
- For example, imagine you are overcome with the thought that you’ll never meet anyone like this person again. Through mindfulness, you might recognize that this thought comes from fear and doesn’t have much basis in reality.
EditAvoiding Love in General for Now
- Write down your life values and goals. Think about what you hope to achieve in life and what really matters to you. Write these things down in a safe place where you can readily refer to them, like a journal or a Word document. Pursue activities and relationships that align with your goals and values, and use them to guide your decisions.
- When you find yourself being drawn into a romantic relationship, take a step back and refer to your list. Does this relationship fit with your goals, values, and priorities? If not, then it’s probably not worth pursuing.
- Stay busy with academic or career goals. Map out a detailed but realistic six-month plan. Highlight what you need to do now to reach your goal. Then, hit the library to do research for your senior thesis. Customize your CV or résumé for each job you have your eye on. Chances are, your dreams will soon shift from love to graduation or that dream job.
- Avoid romantic plots. This can be a tall order, but it’s not impossible. Read the plot lines of books, movies, and/or TV shows before you delve in. Make sure that historical drama about Queen Victoria doesn’t focus on her relationship with Prince Albert. Read a murder mystery that’s not about a crime of passion. Watch a vampire movie that doesn’t have a romantic subplot.
- Do fun things with your friends. Invite them over for pizza and a non-romantic movie. Play sports. Go out for ice cream. Spending time with your friends will lift your spirits and keep your mind off of falling in love.
- Take up a new hobby. Think of an activity you’ve been curious about or really want to involve yourself in. Take local classes or watch online tutorials. Join a club on campus. If you’re not in school, check social media sites for local groups that might interest you. You’ll be so busy learning your new hobby that you won’t have time for love.
EditKeeping a Healthy State of Mind
- Assess your motivations. Think about why you can’t fall in love. Maybe you have too much on your plate right now. Perhaps you know the person who caught your eye isn’t really right for you. When you know why you should avoid falling in love, you’ll have a better chance of success.
- Write down your feelings. Keep a daily log in a diary or journal. Even if it’s just a sentence or two, write something. Read over your entries to come to terms with your feelings. Put the date by each entry to keep track of how your feelings change. This will help as well, because if you read it, you can know that are starting to fall in love. Then you can try to do this steps Pay attention to these changes and celebrate your evolution. .
- Talk to a friend. Choose your best friend or at least someone you can trust. They’ll understand your emotional state and your motivations. If your friend managed to avoid falling in love, ask them for some advice.
- Exercise. Fill your spare time at the gym, on the track, or around your neighborhood working up a sweat. Focus on breathing and hydrating. Enjoy the rush of endorphins that will boost your mood. You’ll also have the bonus of better health.
- Practice yoga or meditation. Either of these will help you to relax, come to terms with your feelings, and eventually move on. Find a quiet place and turn on some soft music. Focusing on your breathing throughout your practice will help to ground you and calm you down.
- Focus on non-romantic love. Romantic love is just one of the many forms of love. There’s also the love between friends, the love between parents and their children, and even the love for mankind more broadly. Work on cultivating these other forms by spending quality time with family and friends, or volunteering to help the needy in your area.
- You may find that these forms of love are just as rewarding as romantic love, if not more rewarding.